Divorce
Divorce is a public act of putting away a spouse through a written certificate of divorce in the presence of the elders. The Greek word that is translated "divorce" is "apoluo" which means "to send/put away". In those instances that it is interpreted as "divorce" it is due to the context in which it is used. For instance, the word is used in the sending away of the Canaanite woman when the disciples said,
"Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us." (Mt.15:23 NIV).
Even though this would have been a public act it wasn't in the context of a husband and wife, hence it was translated as "Send her away". Another use of this word is found when we read:
"And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man, and not wanting to disgrace her, desired to put her away secretly." (Mt.1:19 NASB)
Even though this is a putting away of someone who is betrothed, it should not be interpreted as divorce. Since the marriage was not consummated, it could be done privately as Joseph was going to do- divorce is public. However we can interpret it as "divorce" when we read,
"And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce." (Mt5:31 NASB)
For even though there is no mention of public awareness, but is accompanied by a certificate of divorce it is correctly translated as divorce. Therefore the Bible does not use a specific word for divorce for it merely means "to send or put away"; the context dictates the translation.
Divorce under the Old Covenant in the Old Testament sets the foundation for understanding Christ's teachings on divorce. In the Old Testament the Mosaic Law allowed divorce for any reason of displeasure concerning indecency:
"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord." (Dt.24:1-4 NIV)
It is important to notice that this law does not institute divorce or place God's seal of approval on divorce, but rather it starts: "if a man". The woman who was divorced and remarried was considered defiled by God, implying that the divorce did not free her to enter a second marriage covenant. The law was adamant that divorce did not free the person to remarry:
For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man. (Ro.7:2-3)
The law commanded those who enter a marriage covenant to be bound for life; if either one remarried, they were defiled by the second marriage and considered an adulterer. For God did not institute divorce, man did, as it was being practiced prior to the implementation of this command. This becomes clear when we read in the New Testament:
"The Pharisees asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?'
'Haven't you read', Jesus replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.'
'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?'
Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard." (Mt.19:3-8 NIV)
Moses did not command divorce but permitted it as was already being practiced due to the hardness of the peoples' hearts- an unwillingness to yield to God's plan that they remain together for life. The reason for a husband to divorce his wife was if she was indecent in some way that caused displeasure to the husband. He would then issue a letter of divorce stating that she was divorced and why. A man could read this letter and decide to marry her, her second marriage is often referred to as her remarriage. However in Jesus day, this law dropped the word indecent from being a requirement for a divorce and accepted divorce on simple displeasure. For it is written:
"Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" (Mt.19:3)
In other words, if a wife burnt the toast three mornings in a row, her husband could hand her a certificate of divorce on the grounds of simple displeasure- an acceptable reason for divorce. Therefore God did not command divorce, as he hates divorce just as much as he hates any other sin, making today's practice of divorce for mere incompatibility unacceptable to God.
The most important concept that one must understand in the New Testament when studing divorce, is that Christ's teachings were not always the continuation of the Old Testament teaching. Consider for instance:
"You have heard that it was said, `Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. (Mt.5:38-39)
Jesus sets aside the first to establish the second. He states the old covenant teaching with "you have heard it was said", then setting it aside He establishes the teaching of the new covenant when He says "but I tell you.". We find this again when Jesus said:
"You have heard that it was said, `Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Mt.5:43-44)
We as Christians need to grasp this concept so that when we come to Christ's teaching on divorce we understand that the Old Testament teaching has no impact on the teachings of Christ:
"It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.." (Mt.5:31-32 KJV)
In the Old Testament, a husband or wife caught in adultery were not to be divorced. God hates both the sin of fornication and the breaking of the marriage covenant through divorce. In this way divorce was not a solution for adultery by fornication in the Old Testament, rather we read:
"If a man is found lying with a married woman, then both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman; thus you shall purge the evil from Israel". (Deut.22:22 note Lev.20:10 NASB)
God did not command that fornicators be divorced as a solution, rather by stoning the adulterers it made divorce for fornication unnecessary. When Jesus set aside the first covenant's practice of divorce, he also set aside the way of dealing with fornicators as well, when we read:
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" (Jn.8:3-4)
Jesus' response was not picking up a stone, rather he challenged her accusers concerning their own sin as he wrote them in the dust. Once her accusers left he said:
"Woman, where are they? Has no-one condemned you?" "No-one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." (Jn.8:10-11)
We are no longer to stone those who commit adultery by fornication, rather we are to call them to repentance. Fornication is an act of sexual immorality which includes premarital, extramarital and postmarital sex; from which the Bible calls everyone to repent. Yet we need to understand how we are to treat a fornicator who already calls himself a Christian. We must realize that not everyone in the church is saved, and so it is possible that an adulterer by fornication could be found in the church:
It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. (1Co.5:1 KJV)
The man was living together with his father's wife, his stepmother, and committed adultery through fornication with a married woman. He committed fornication through extra-marital sex; as fornication is sexual intercourse outside of a marriage covenant. Paul does not command that they be stoned, rather we read:
I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. (1Co.5:9-11 KJV)
Therefore Christ has set aside the first to establish the second. No longer do we stone the people outside the church who commit adultery by fornication, rather we are to call them to repentance. However, should it be found in the church, those who are guilty must be put out from among us.
A second point that we need to understand concerning Christ's teaching on divorce, is that the New Testament teaching is based on a consummated marriage and not during the betrothal period. For when Christ spoke on divorce He was speaking of the husband and wife being one flesh:
"But at the beginning of creation God `made them male and female'. `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Mk.10:6-9)
Since what man is separating is already one flesh, the marriage has been consummated by sexual intercourse. For the way one becomes one flesh is through sexual intercourse:
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." (1Co.6:16)
In the same way that a prostitute becomes one flesh with a client, Jesus is addressing divorce of people who are joined as one flesh when He said:
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Mt.19:9 KJV)
Sexual sin by a spouse is the only grounds on which Jesus permitted a divorce. If a husband is having sexual intercourse with a woman other then his wife, he has committed fornication- the Biblical grounds for divorce. If a father is committing incest with his daughter, he has committed fornication- the Biblical grounds for divorce. Since fornicators are no longer stoned, this places the fornicator's partner in a difficult position. For the Bible teaches us that a husband or wife cannot deny their spouse from their sexual rights:
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1Co.7:2-5 KJV)
A spouse is not to deny sexual intimacy from their partner, except by mutual consent. So when a spouse commits fornication, their partner does not have a right to deny them sexual intimacy. Yet at the same time, the fornicator places his spouse at risk every time he has physical union with those other then his wife:
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. (1Co.6:18 KJV)
Today we do not have to prolong the discussion on the danger of casual sexual intercourse; the consequences are very well documented. The person is not just having sex with the other person, but with everyone whom the other person had previously had sex with. Since we no longer stone a fornicator, the innocent partner is protected from all the consequences of their unfaithful spouse through divorce- which allows the innocent partner to deny the fornicator all sexual rights. Therefore the Bible allows divorce on the grounds of fornication as a discipline, to protect the innocent spouse from the consequences of their partner's sexual sin.
When the Pharisees came to Jesus, their question was one of whether it was right to divorce a partner for any and every reason. We must note that Christ said that the only reason for divorce was fornication, He did not say the only reason for divorce is adultery. It is true that when a married person commits fornication, they also commits adultery:
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. (Jn.8:3-4 NIV)
Adultery is commited when one is unfaithful to one's marriage covenant, but not necessarily through fornication. The Bible tells us we do not need to commit an act; we commit adultery through our thoughts as well:
"You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Mt.5:27-28 NIV)
The man who looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery without having committed fornication. If a person spends all his time with a person from the opposite sex, but never committed fornication, he has committed adultery apart from fornication. The Bible does not tell us to divorce our spouse for the sin of adultery, rather fornication. One commits adultery when one chooses to neglect their marital responsibilities; when other things such as pornography alcohol, drugs, gambling, sports, etc., control their life. When violence commands a spouses life, divorce is usually granted, as the abusive spouse is found to be marital unfaithful. A person can be placed in a position of adultery against their will, if one divorce their spouse for unbiblical reasons:
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Mt.5:28)
The wife that was divorced did not commit fornication but was said to be maritally unfaithful even though there is no mention of remarriage. The wife was innocent of the adultery as her husband inflicted the unbiblical divorce upon her, and in this way he is charged with causing her commit adultery. By divorcing our wife for any and every reason, we prevent her from fulfilling her marital covenant thereby causing her to be in a state of adultery-even though against her will. There are some who divorce their spouse because their spouse is a unbeliever. I know some Christians who disregarded the biblical teachings concerning being unequally yoked, who sought after and married unbelievers:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. (2Co.6:14-16)
Those who are Christian and marry unbelievers will reap what they sow. They cannot use divorce as a way of escape for the consequences of their willful disobedience; as the only Biblical grounds for divorce in the New Testament is fornication. Some denomination allow an annulment in such a situation, yet the only time an annulment can take place is during the betrothal/engagement period.
If anyone thinks he is acting improperly towards the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting on in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin--this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better. (1Co.7:36-38)
To call the sending away of a spouse in a consummated marriage by some other term, such as annulment, does not side step the commands of God or lessen his judgement. However, if a person becomes a Christian while already in a marital covenant with an unbeliever, he would be guilty of adultery if he divorced her:
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. ... How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1Co.7:12-13&16 NIV)
Since the unequally yoked is caused by a spouse becoming a Christian, many times God's extends grace drawing the remaining unbelieving to himself:
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (1Pe.3:1-2)
Some might argue that Christian spouses are sometimes abused by their unbelieving husbands, however, abuse is a biblical reason for a divorce. Abuse by unbelievers is scripturally know as persecution. Throughout the world there are atrocities happening to people who become Christians: rejection, persecution and death by families. The Bible warns us of this:
In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. (2Ti.3:12-13)
There is no difference between your spouse persecuting you for your Christian faith, and the society you live in persecuting you for your Christian faith. What does the scripture say concerning persecution? Jesus said:
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. (Jn.15:18-10)
The family unit is not exempt from inner persecution if some are Christian while others are not:
From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law." (Lk.12:52-53)
Yes, when one becomes a Christian in an unchristian family it will be torn in two, yes, even between a husband and wife when one becomes a Christian without the other. Yet do not be discouraged, rather rejoice, for Christ said:
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Mt.5:10-12)
If you are a husband or wife who is being persecuted, admit your weakness and seek God's strength:
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2Co.12:9-10)
Wife abuse occurred in Jesus day, and yet the Bible does not permit a wife who is abused to divorce their spouse- but commands that they continue to live for the Lord living in his strength:
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (1Pe.3:1-4)
Therefore even though many churches allow various reasons why a person should seek a divorce, fornication is the only Biblical reason, and to divorce a spouse for any other reason is to cause them to commit adultery.
This brings us to the attitudes that might be experienced through divorce. First of all I firmly believe that it is impossible for two born again, Spirit filled Christians to be brought to the point where they cannot stand each other. The Bible teaches us:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (Jn.13:34-35; Jn.12-13&17)
As I said, love is more than an emotion, love is an attitude and a commitment that goes beyond how one feels. In this way we are not commanded to feel love toward someone, we are commanded to have an attitude of love toward our brothers and sisters, one of whom is your spouse:
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Eph.4:2-3)
Since Christians are to bear one another in love, how can they become so emotionally bankrupt to seek a divorce? The fact is that if we do not love, it is a serious matter:
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1Jn.4:7-8)
The Bible takes this further:
This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother. (1Jn.3:10)
Two people who profess to be Christians cannot come to hating each other to the point of repulsion without making a statement concerning their spirituality:
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. (1Jn.3:14)
In other words, a Christian must love their spouse throughout the trouble times making divorce for in compatibility incongruent with the Christian life. Furthermore, a Christian must love their spouse throughout the divorce proceedings:
Do everything in love. (1Co.16:14)
A Biblical divorce must be done in love and not out of revenge or hate. Even when a divorce is on the grounds of fornication, it must be done in the sincerity of love and concern for their spouse who has committed fornication. The attitude must be one of genuine love as through the divorce the innocent party is saying, "I cannot be a part of your sin as you destroy yourself and others." Yet so many times the emotions of the innocent party prior to divorce are hatred, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, .... These emotions do not reflect Christ living in them, rather:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Ga.5:19-21)
Many Christians do not realize that their emotional response is a wicked in God's sight as their spouse's sexual immorality/ fornication. They both might call themselves a Christian, yet the Bible states that both will not inherit the kingdom of God. Yes your spouse might have betrayed your loyalty, but what he may of did isn't close to what your are doing to yourself. Bitterness is like an acid in an paper cup, it does not only destroy those who comes in contact with it, it also is destroys the cup itself. If a Christian is to go through a divorce, they must do it in the nature of Christ:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Ga.5:22-23)
If a Christian is going to divorce his spouse on the Biblical grounds of fornication, then he will do it in with the fruit of the Spirit being maintained throughout the proceedings and thereafter:
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. (Ga.5:24)
The character of those going through a divorce will either prove you are under the control of the Spirit and are a Christian or whether you are still controlled by the sinful nature.
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. (Ro.8:8-9)
If a divorce is to be pursued on the Biblical grounds of fornication, it must be pursued in love for the fornicators soul. Christians must view divorce as a discipline, first to bring repentance and ultimately reconciliation in the marriage covenant. For by the divorce the spouse is saying that she will not be a part of his sin (1 Co.6:16-18): not in the hope of separating what God has joined together, but rather an attempt to put back together what God has once joined.
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. (1Co.7:10-11)
A spouse of a fornicator must always be willing to forgive and be reconciled, once their partner has repented of their sin:
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Mt.6:14-15)
This is supported when we read:
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins. (Mk.11:25-26)
Therefore a Christian must divorce their spouse in an attitude of love else they are making a statement concerning their spiritual condition and concerning their relationship with Christ.
When a divorced person becomes a Christian, all the circumstances surrounding the divorce are forgiven. . The circumstances surrounding the divorce might be sin, but the marriage covenant is not sin. For this reason we cannot view the marriage covenant as being eradicated through Christ's death on the cross, for a marriage covenant is not a sin. When a divorced person comes to accept Christ as Savior and Lord, he is viewed as being in a marriage covenant and should remain faithful to the covenant:
Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you--although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.(1Co.7:17-24)
If a person has made a marital covenant, and is now divorced, he must continue to live in that situation. Many will claim that it is unfair to remain as a divorced person, however, when God calls a blind man, he has to accept the condition in which lives, and use his blindness to the glory of God. In this same way, a person who is divorced when converted must realize that God has called them as a divorced person for a reason; and by accepting it and asking God to use it, they will be blessed. However we must realize that being divorced- that is being in a failed marriage, excludes him from the office of elder and deacon:
"Now an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, ... He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) " (1 Tim.3:2,4&5)
The way we interact with our family, in love, loyalty, discipline, is a good indication of how one will interact as an overseer. A person who is divorced is discredited by his failed marriage; with no way to determine his capabilities, he cannot oversee the church. However if reconciliation is achieved, now having one wife, he could fulfill the office of overseer if he manages his family well and fulfills the other Biblical requirements:
"An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man who children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient." (Tit.1:6)
Therefore receiving Christ does not eradicate a divorce or marriage, and so bars one from the work of an overseer.
In conclusion, it has been said that to divorce for incompatibility is better then a bad marriage. I disagree, for some sins affect not just the people who commit them, but in essence set a pattern that generations later will follow. For we read:
"The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." (Ex.34:7)
We can see that this is true for divorce as well. If parents refuse to reconcile their differences as they divorce for incompatibility, their children will most likely refuse to work through problems in their own marriages as well. In the end we will see generation after generation where some of the marriages are being ripped apart by divorce, which is an emotionally rending experience for the man and woman involved. Yet people do not realize the people who suffer the most emotionally are the children; as the stability of the home has just disintegrated. No longer can they count on Mom or Dad being there when they need them. This causes them to be insecure; not sure that anyone wants them often blaming themselves for the divorce. Furthermore, they are sometimes treated as a thing, not knowing if this weekend they are going to mom or dad, as they are traded at their parents convenience. Sooner or later their parents start dating causing further insecurity as a stranger is not only brought into the scene but their parent is now absorbed in this new relationship. Yet society wonders why teenage suicide is up at an alarming level, or why children's actions are more extreme. If this be the only reason, we must be uncompromising in God's stance on divorce! If we deal with the instigator of the divorce, on grounds other then fornication, we must demand repentance and a renewed faithfulness to that marriage commitment--by seeking reconciliation with his spouse. For without fornication being the cause of the divorce, he is not being faithful to the marriage obligations--which is adultery. However, we as the church must prayerfully lift up the innocent victims, and be compassionate with those who now find themselves divorced. We need to make a special effort to include them in activities of the church family. We need to make a special effort to include a broken family in our family outings, to be a father or mother image even if just once a month. When counseling divorced individuals, we must remember that they are individuals, each suffering differently, so discernment is crucial. However, even though they are individuals, we must assert that God's word is the constant--the final authority in all matters of faith and practice.
For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man. (Ro.7:2-3)
When a person divorces their spouse, it does not dissolve the marriage covenant thus nullifying marital responsibilities. No where in the Scriptures does it say that a divorce ends the marriage covenant. Jesus said that even if their spouse committed fornication and they divorced for the right reasons, they are not released from their first marriage covenant:
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Lk.16:18)
Both the one who divorces the fornicator and the fornicator who is divorced, become adulterers when they marry again. The marriage covenant is for life, so the marriage covenant is not done away with through divorce, regardless of the grounds of the divorce:
He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." (Mk.10:11-12)
The innocent party, who divorces their spouse because of fornication is guilty of adultery if they remarry while their husband is still living. The Bible states that only death frees a spouse to remarry:
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. (1Co.7:39)
God ends the marriage covenant by death, but man can only separate the marriage covenant through divorce:
"Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Mt.19:6)
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