The Marriage Covenant
It is important to have a correct understanding of what constitutes a marriage from a Biblical perspective. Marriage was instituted by God when he found man to be incomplete and alone. As it is written:
"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Gen.2:18)
Man was found wanting, as he was found without a suitable helper. It is important to understand that man was found to be alone, meaning by himself, and that he was not found being lonely, meaning without companionship. However, being alone, God made woman and presented her to him, saying:
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh." (Gen.2:24)
This was God's pattern for a marriage: leaving a father and mother's parental authority, being united to form a new family, whereby now enjoying each other intimately in physical union. The Bible is clear that marriage is not merely physical union:
"Do you not know that the one who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? 'For the two will become one flesh." (1Co.6:16)
Physical union merely makes two people become one flesh, but does not make them married. The Bible is also clear that leaving your parent's home, living together and having physical union does not make one married:
"Jesus told her, 'Go, call your husband and come back.' 'I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, 'You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." (Jn.4:16-18)
Living together is not marriage, for the woman has had five husbands but Christ did not consider the man she was presently living with, as her husband. To live together outside the marriage covenant is to commit the sin of fornication or as commonly referred to as sexual immorality. Christians are not to commit fornication:
For it seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay upon you no greater burden then these essential: That you abstain from things sacrificed to idols and from blood and from things strangled and from fornication; if you keep yourselves free from such things, you will so well. Farewell. (Ac.15:28-29 KJV)
The Bible tells us that fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God:
Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, ... shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; (1Co.6:9-11)
Some of us may have lived together committing the sin of fornication prior to our conversion when we were controlled by the flesh:
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,... and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. ... And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. Ga.5:19-21&24
If you live together you do not lose your salvation, but by living together you prove that you are still controlled by the flesh and do not belong to Christ:
You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. (Ro.8:9)
If we do not belong to Christ, we will face a Christ-less eternity and are void of salvation. Therefore having sexual intercourse or living together does not make one married, it makes them a fornicator who is outside the grace of God.
Many couples are deeply in love when they get married, but love is more than an emotion, love is an attitude and a commitment that goes beyond how one feels. In these days guys tell girls, "If you love me, you would have sexual intercourse with me." Girls should respond. "If you love me, you would marry me and then we can have sexual intercourse." God created sexual intercourse when there is a commitment that goes beyond feelings. There will be times when you will not feel love toward your spouse, but your commitment to love your spouse will take you through these low times. In essence marriage is the yoking together of a man and woman by a covenant for life, so care must be taken that the couple are equally yoked:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols. For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God and they will be my people.' 'Therefore come out from them and be separate,' says the Lord." (2Co.6:14-17)
In the days of horse buggy a person would look for a team of horses which would compliment each other, making a balanced team. In marriage, young people need to seek a spouse that would further their commitment to God, and not lead them away from that commitment. A Christian will not find a godly spouse in the world or in the bar seen, a Christian will find a godly spouse among the saints at prayer meetings. For as it has been said, "How can two people walk together unless they agree?" The Bible is very explicate about this for we read:
"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord." (1Co.7:39)
Once we find the person God has chosen you to spend the rest of your life with, they make a covenant with each other before God:
"It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant." (Mal.2:14)
All marriages since God gave Eve to Adam, both Christian and non-Christian, were a life-long covenant before God- whether they believed in him or not. I have been told by people who are an authority on Canadian Geese, that they mate for life. I have also been told that this is true for other animals as well, and serves as an excellent example of what God intended marriage to be. For we read,
"It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God." (Pro.2:16-17)
Marriage covenant is not with God, but is made before God as it is He who joins the two together. Jesus said:
"Haven't you read,' he replied, 'That at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together let man not separate." (Mt.19:4-6)
All marriages are joined by God in a covenant for life and we need to realize that man must not separate that which God has joined. Since marriage is a covenant for life, death is God's method of dissolving a marriage:
"See now that I myself am He! There is no god beside me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand." (Duet.32:29)
Since no one can delivered from God's hand of death, He uses death to separate marriage partners releasing them from their marriage covenant:
"So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man." (Ro.7:3)
Again we read:
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. (1Co.7:39)
Therefore every marriage is a covenant before God for life and only he can release a spouse through death; is it no wonder that we read:
"I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel." (Mal.2:16)
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