August 2000
The latest statistics from the United States indicate that divorce is happening more in the church then in the world. When I was growing up, divorce was unheard of. How did our marriages become so contaminated that every family in the church has been effected in one way or another? The Greek word that is translated "divorce" is "apoluo", which means "to send/put away". In those instances that "apoluo" is interpreted as "divorce", it is due to the context in which it is used. For instance, the word is used in the sending away of the Canaanite woman when the disciples said,
"Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us." (Mt.15:23 NIV).
Even though this would have been a public act it wasn’t in the context of a husband and wife, hence it was translated as "send her away". Another use of this word is found when we read:
"And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man, and not wanting to disgrace her, desired to put her away secretly." (Mt.1:19 NASB)
Even though this is a putting away of someone who is betrothed, it should not be interpreted as divorce. Since the marriage was not consummated, it could be done privately as Joseph was going to do- divorce is public. However we can interpret it as "divorce" when we read,
"And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce." (Mt5:31 NASB)
For even though there is no mention of public awareness, it is accompanied by a certificate of divorce and correctly translated as divorce. Even though "apoluo" meant "to send away", the Bible never states that divorce dissolves a marriage covenant. The law was adamant that divorce did not free the person to remarry:
For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man. (Ro.7:2-3)
The law commanded those who enter a marriage covenant to be bound for life; if either one remarried, they were defiled by the second marriage (Duet.24:4) and considered an adulterer:
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Lk.16:18)
Jesus concluded that both the one who divorces his wife, and the one who marries a divorced woman commit adultery through their remarriage. For God did not institute divorce; man did. It was being practiced prior to the implementation of this command. This becomes clear when we read in the New Testament:
"The Pharisees asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?'
'Haven't you read', Jesus replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.'
'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?'
Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard." (Mt.19:3-8 NIV)
Moses did not command divorce but permitted it. It was already being practiced due to the hardness of the peoples' hearts- an unwillingness to yield to God's plan to remain together for life. The reason for a husband to divorce his wife was if she was indecent in some way that caused displeasure to the husband. He would then issue a letter of divorce stating that she was divorced and why. A man could read this letter and decide to marry her; her second marriage is often referred to as her remarriage. However in Jesus day, this law dropped the word indecent from being a requirement for a divorce and accepted divorce on simple displeasure. For it is written:
"Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" (Mt.19:3)
In other words, if a wife burnt the toast three mornings in a row her husband could hand her a certificate of divorce on the grounds of simple displeasure- an acceptable reason for divorce. Therefore God did not command divorce, as He hates divorce just as much as He hates any other sin, making today's practice of divorce for mere incompatibility unacceptable to God.
"I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel." (Mal.2:16)
The most important concept that one must understand in the New Testament when studying divorce is that Christ's teachings were not always the continuation of the Old Testament teaching. Consider for instance:
"You have heard that it was said, `Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Mt.5:43-44)
Jesus sets aside the first to establish the second. He states the old covenant teaching with "you have heard it was said", then setting it aside He establishes the teaching of the new covenant when He says "but I tell you.". We as Christians need to grasp this concept so that when we come to Christ's teaching on divorce we understand that the Old Testament teaching has no affect on the teachings of Christ:
"It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.." (Mt.5:31-32 KJV)
In the Old Testament, a husband or wife caught in adultery was not to be divorced. God hates both the sin of fornication and the breaking of the marriage covenant through divorce. In this way divorce was not a solution for adultery by fornication in the Old Testament, rather we read:
"If a man is found lying with a married woman, then both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman; thus you shall purge the evil from Israel". (Deut.22:22 note Lev.20:10 NASB)
God did not command that fornicators be divorced as a solution; rather by stoning the adulterers it made divorce for fornication unnecessary. When Jesus set aside the first covenant's practice of divorce, he also set aside the way of dealing with fornicators as well, when we read:
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" (Jn.8:3-4)
Jesus' response was not picking up a stone, rather he challenged her accusers concerning their own sin. Once her accusers left he said:
"Woman, where are they? Has no-one condemned you?" "No-one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." (Jn.8:10-11)
We are no longer to stone those who commit adultery by fornication, rather we are to call them to repentance. Therefore the only grounds for a Christian to divorce is fornication: an act of sexual immorality which includes premarital, extramarital and postmarital sex; from which the Bible calls everyone to repent.
A second point that we need to understand concerning Christ's teaching on divorce, is that the New Testament teaching is based on a consummated marriage and not during the betrothal period. For when Christ spoke on divorce, He was speaking of the husband and wife being one flesh:
"But at the beginning of creation God `made them male and female'. `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Mk.10:6-9)
Since what man is separating is already one flesh, the marriage has been consummated by sexual intercourse. For the way one becomes one flesh is through sexual intercourse:
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." (1Co.6:16)
In the same way that a prostitute becomes one flesh with a client, Jesus is addressing divorce of people who are joined as one flesh when He said:
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Mt.19:9 KJV)
Sexual sin by a spouse is the only grounds on which Jesus permitted a divorce. If a husband is having sexual intercourse with a woman other then his wife, he has committed fornication- the Biblical grounds for divorce. If a father is committing incest with his daughter, he has committed fornication- the Biblical grounds for divorce. Since fornicators are no longer stoned, this places the fornicator's partner in a difficult position. For the Bible teaches us that a husband or wife cannot deny their spouse's sexual rights:
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1Co.7:2-5 KJV)
A partner is not to deny sexual intimacy from their spouse, except by mutual consent. So when a spouse commits fornication, their partner does not have a right to deny them sexual intimacy. Yet at the same time, the fornicator places his partner at risk every time he has physical union with those other then his wife:
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. (1Co.6:18 KJV)
Today we do not have to prolong the discussion on the danger of casual sexual intercourse; the consequences are very well documented. The person is not just having sex with the other person, but with everyone whom the other person had previously had sex with. Since we no longer stone a fornicator, the innocent partner is protected from all the consequences of their unfaithful spouse through divorce- which allows the innocent partner to deny the fornicator all sexual rights. Divorce in the New Testament is not to separate what God has joined, but is a discipline, to try to rejoin together what has already been separated. Divorce is not a permanent dissolving of a marriage covenant, only death does that. Divorce is a loving discipline for those who are sinning against their partner through fornication. Therefore what God has joined together let man not separate.