April 2002
Today there is so much emphasis on love and being loved. The word “love” in English has so many definitions, for instance: I love my dog, my wife, cherry pie, my children, my sister etc. In the Greek there are three main word for love. One word is “eros”, from which we get the word erotic. It has self-centered interests with its focus being on receiving. Another Greek word for love is “phileo”; it represents tender affection- the warm fuzzies. It has shared common interests with its focus on both giving and receiving. Finally there is the Greek word for love: “agape” which represents an attitude of love. It has a self-less interest with its focus on giving.
Eros
Eros is the type of love that is most prevalent in our society today- a love that is based on receiveing- a passionate love depicted on TV and novels. A non-Christian student of mine once commented: “My friends do not fall in love; they fall into lust.” There should be a difference between eros and lust but today the love depicted in many forms of media confuses the two. The best New Testament scripture on Eros is:
The New Testament is void of the word “Eros”; it is only found in classical Greek.
Phileo
Phileo is an emotional love as well as yet a platonic love which would best be illustrated between David and Jonathon. The relationship between Lazarius and Jesus depicts this type of love as well:
Jn.11:3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
Again when Jesus sees Mary crying, we read:
Jn.11:35-36 Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"
Then there was the disciple whom Jesus loved:
Jn.20:2 So she came running to Simon Peter and
the other disciple, the one Jesus loved,
and said, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know
where they have put him!"
It is on the basis of Phileo that we are commanded to a brotherly kiss out of fraternal affection
Ro
However when Judas greets Jesus to betray him, the Greek word is not the word for kiss, but the word phileo- the word for love:
Mk.14:44 Now the betrayer had arranged a signal
with them: "The one I kiss (phileo) is the man; arrest him and lead him away under
guard."
It is important that the command to love is never phileo, because it is an emotional love that comes out of a mutual relationship. However, it must be pointed out that for a Christian to phileo love someone always includes the agape love as well. God the Father apape loved his Son:
Jn.3:35 The Father loves the Son and has placed
everything in his hands.
But God also phileo loved Jesus because of their relationship:
Jn.5:20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, to your amazement he will show him even greater things than these.
God agape loves his church
Jn.14:21 He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself
to him."
But God also loves us because of the relationship we have with his Son:
Jn.16:27 No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have
believed that I came from God.
The relational phileo love for Christ is in the context of relationship, else the Bible says we will be cursed.
1Co.
However if we are in a relationship with the God, he will rebuke and discipline us as the need arises:
Re.3:19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.
So be earnest, and repent.
Therefore phileo love comes from a relationship which shares common interests- both giving and receiving.
Agape
The Greek word agape is foreign to classical Greek because it’s origin is from God:
1Jn.4:7 …for love comes
from God.
The disciples were incapable of agape love until after Pentecost, for agape love comes from the Spirit:
Ro.5:5 And hope does not disappoint us,
because God has poured out his love into
our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
The fact that the disciples were void of agape love prior to Pentecost becomes clear in John 21 where Jesus uses the word agape:
Jn.21:15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
Peter’s response was “I phileo love you.” Did Peter not understand the question? Jesus repeats himself:
Jn.21:16 Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
Again Jesus uses the word “agape”, yet Peter again responds with phileo, love based on a relationship. Jesus in his third attempt asks, “Peter do you phileo love me?”
Jn.21:17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.
Peter could not experience agape love in and of himself, its origin is of God:
1Jo 4:8 …for
God is love.
Agape is an outward manifestation of an inward change
1Co
Agape love is a love that is based on the one doing the loving and not on the one receiving the love being lovely or worthy of that love:
Ro 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while
we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
The love of God could not be understood by man until Christ died on the cross:
1Jn.3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus
Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our
brothers.
Agape love is the highest love as it is selfless, this differentiates it from all human forms of love:
Jn.15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Agape love is not based on feelings, therefore it can be commanded:
Jn.15:12 "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved
you.
Agape love is not based on relationship, we are now called to love more then our neighbor, our enemy:
Lk.6:27-28 But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
There is much confusion these days on what love is. Phileo always tries to please the one that is being loved. Agape always does what is best on behalf of the person even though it might not be perceived as love at that time:
Ro.8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love
him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Is everything good that God allows in our life, “no”; but because of his love for us, it will be for our good.
He.12 :5-6 "My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
In the same way, if we agape love someone, we might have to tell them how God perceives their actions. Some people say the things others want to hear, instead we need to say those things they need to hear:
Eph
Therefore let us enjoy the phileo love we have for each other as we do life together, but let us also love with the same love that God has always willing to reach out to those who do not know the love of God. There are many kinds of love, but the greatest of these is agape love.