It's rare to find a doctor with the genius of Dr. Gifford-Jones.

 If you've not heard of this medical Solomon, then you are not a dedicated reader of the Toronto Sun. To be honest, I rarely read the paper, although I suppose I should, since it is the flagship of my ultimate employers.

 It's just that I find it difficult to make it past the bikinied beauty always found on Page 3. My hands start shaking and I can't make out the words anymore.

 Anyway, on one of those rare days that I managed to make my way to the Lifestyle section, I happened upon one of the good doctor's columns.

 "Drink beer and lose weight" announced the headline.

 Naturally my interest was piqued.

 You see, I have something of a weight "issue". I have always blamed my "solid corporeal presence" on my taste for beer . . . well, my taste for beer and potato chips, well . . . beer potato chips and pizza, well . . .

 Anyway, when I saw that headline, I nearly popped a button.

 "Yes!" I shouted. "Finally someone agrees with me!"

 I have long contended it is possible for a man to survive on beer alone. I think I may have actually tried it, although I can't really remember the experience.

 Dr. Gifford-Jones has uncovered a report in the journal Chemistry In Britain by Dr. David Williams, professor of chemistry at the University of Wales, which states that one pint of beer a day can be a part of a weight-loss program.

 "When used as a part of a balanced diet," Williams is quoted as saying, "beer is beneficial for human health. The infrequent mishap of a little overindulgence is no reason to brand beer as contrary to our well-being."

 "Overindulgence" is such a subjective term.

 I have to admit that even I had some reservations about this controversial stand. Afterall, what's this thing hanging over my belt?

 Dr. Williams explains that beer acts as an appetite stimulant and that the alcohol it contains numbs the stomach, making it "think" it's full. (I didn't know stomachs thought. I knew they grumbled but I assumed that they were like Reform Party members who tend to grumble without thinking.)

 While Dr. Gifford-Jones also took issue with the stomach numbing effect, he nevertheless chorused in singing praises to amber ambrosia.

 "A pint of beer a day makes good sense for those who fight the battle of the bulge for many other reasons," he wrote. "Beer certainly has more nutritional value than non-alcoholic carbonated drinks that contain eight teaspoonfuls of sugar."
 Among the valuable nutrients found in beer are carbohydrates,  protein, liberal amounts of calcium, phosphorus, magnesium and potassium, folic acid, Niacin, pantothenic acid (B3), riboflavin (B2) and pyridoxine (B6).

 The doctor said a brewski will also help fight heart disease. It helps "lubricate the circulation" he said, clearing arteries of cholesterol and preventing dangerous clots. It decreases levels of fibrinogen in the blood, a small particle which is part of the clotting process.  It increases levels of high-density lipoproteins which help keep arteries clear of cholesterol. And alcohol helps relax the mind and blood vessels. Dilated blood vessels tend not to clot.

 Science is great.

 I know the doctor pointed out that all of these benefits were dependent on a "moderate" intake of brew - namely one pint a day. But what  if you saved up all that moderate drinking for one session on the weekend?

 So if you see me some Saturday night trying to talk a parking meter into lending me five bucks, rest assured that I am not inebriated.

 I'm just working out.