It's just one of those stages

     My friend and I were watching an interesting television documentary about east European folk traditions and their translation to North American society.

     But when Buffy the Vampire Slayer was over, there wasn't anything else worth watching. After Buffy, everything else would seem anticlimactic.

     So my friend challenged me to a few rounds of pool and off we went to Ye Old Mug and Mayhem.

     My basic pool strategy is to stand back and watch my opponent sink all his balls, after which, I always offer my hearty congratulations. I admit it's not much of a strategy, but it does seem to please my opponents, who love to play pool with me and sometimes generously allow me the occasional opening break. As a result, I've become quite adept at opening breaks, so much so that about 75 per cent of the time, I manage to crack that black eight ball right out of the middle of the pack and plop it in a corner and lose the game right off the start.

     Anyway, I was leaning against the end of bar, happily engaged in watching my friend trounce me for a third time, when a beautiful young lady came up and sort of snuggled beside me. She snuggled not so much out of affection, but rather because when I lean against the end of the bar, there's not a lot of room left to work with.

     Being a middle-aged man with low self esteem and a raging Peter Pan complex, I noticed her right away.

     "Hi," I said.

     "Hi," she said.

     What do you know! I started a conversation. I still had the old magic!

     I must point out now that I am hopelessly in love with my wife and would never consider anything that would dishonour her. But for any man over 40, there is still some fulfillment and  self-affirmation from meeting a beautiful young woman who will say something to you besides "Stop staring at me you dirty, old lecher!"

     Immediately I turned to my friend, who was lining up his final shot. "I bet you can't clear all of my balls too."

    I returned my attention to the young lady.

     "So what's your name?"

     "Jesse," she said.

     It was an amazing coincidence. Jesse just happened to be the name of the new sitcom featuring the greatest actress in the world, Christina Applegate. Unfortunately, even a big fan like me must admit that I don't think it's the vehicle to bring out the full range of her talents.

      And she wears too much clothing.

     The young lady smiled, a blazing pearly blast.

     "You're Bob Meharg who writes all those columns in the paper, right"

     "Yep," I said "That's me. Sorry if I've offended you anytime."

     "Oh no, I don't read them. Do you know you took my mom to the prom?"

     There could have been a thousand other things she might have said. In fact, I think I would have preferred "Stop staring at me you dirty old lecher."

     Because that was exactly what I felt like.

     I know we all have to go through certain stages on our journey through life. The heady wonder and freedom of childhood, the passion of the teen years, the drive and ambition of the 20s and 30s. Then, after 40, you start to really watch closely for advertisments about close-out sales on yard tools.

     And watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

     And get beat at pool.

     And meet the daughter of your prom date.