Ah, nuts!

 I missed the sexual revolution.

 Recently Redbook Magazine conducted a survey of men and women to find out how many lovers they've had.

 They didn't call me.

 Frankly, I'm wondering exactly who they called, because the survey indicated that most American men (and I think we can carry those numbers over to Canada because we all watch the same TV shows) between the ages of 18 and 45 claim to have had at least 10 sexual partners.

 Ten!

 Holy moley!

 That's like, let me get my calculator. . . hmm. . .45 minus 18 leaves 27 - that's the years - and then . . . uh . . .divide by 10 . . . Holy moley!

 That's 2.7 women a year!
 (I shudder to think what that decimal point means.)

 No wait, that can't be right. I mean there had to be some really ugly guys included in that survey - the kind of guy who would even beg to be touched by a 10-foot pole. Umm . . . let's see, ah jeese, why do they make these buttons so small? Divide 10 by something.

 Ohhhh! It's one woman every 2.7 years.

 But wait. Not many guys outside of the Appalachian Mountains are married before they hit their 20s. So if we figure in downtime for marriage (factoring in the counterbalancing effect of three desperate weeks before the wedding), time at school or working, sick days, and prom dates with cousins, we could probably cut the average number of "play-the-field" years down to at least, as far as I can figure, three.

 Ten women in three years?

 I suspect a bit of exaggeration here.

 Or maybe they included Bill Clinton in the survey.

 After all, where men are concerned, the answer to that kind of question is extremely relative, depending on whether they're in a bar at last call or with their wife at a church social.

 If I had been asked, and I think I mentioned that I wasn't, my response would have been nowhere near 10. I'm not going to list my "experiences" here, or anywhere else for that matter, because I am a gentleman, boast a certain degree of maturity and tend to get really red in the face when I lie.

 However, had I been asked in high school for the number of my conquests, the response would have been quick and to the point - 438. Of course, for a teenaged boy, bumping into a girl in the hallway counts as a sexual experience and I was a particularly clumsy youth. There was one poor girl who, thanks to me, was almost a paraplegic by the time she graduated.

 But the part of the survey that really annoyed me was the age range of the respondent pool. Why 18 to 45? What does that say about us 45 year olds? Are we soon to be suddenly past it? Dead to the sexual world? A waste of flesh?

 And because we're at the very end of the survey spectrum, how can we possibly make up for lost time without getting back strain?